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Articles in Home | Arts-&-entertainment | Humor

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Techniques For Connecting With Humor By : Kurt Mortensen Can you think of a time when you or someone you knew heard a really funny story and then tried to tell it to someone else without evoking a single chuckle? Instead of peals of laughter, you got the old “Guess you had to be there” response. Why is it that the exact same story is hilarious in one instance and bland in another? It all has to do with the delivery. There are many different elements that factor into making humor work. Timing, gestures and facial expressions, vocal ... Talk About ... Me By : Mike Francis Never, under any circumstances, take a soporific tablet and a laxative the same night. But if you do, sleep in the bath-tub… If you are extremely drunk and swear that you will never dring again , you will forget this when you are sober. If you must identify, in a word, the reason for which the human race did not carry out, and will never realize, its full capacity, which the word would be the “government. ” There is a very fine line between the “pastime” and “the psychosis... Ugly Fabric By : Sue Ticotin Nope, I’m not worried. I’m sure to be picked today. I can just feel it. I hear there’s a big sale going on so I know I stand a good chance. Yep, here comes someone now. She’s getting closer… closer….oh-h-h .. passed up again. (Sigh) Why won’t anyone ever take a second look at me? I know I’m not the handsomest one around, but I’ve got personality. Wait! Here she comes again! Pick me! Pick me! Gees, her hands are cold! But at least she’s looking me over. It’s touchy-feely time... Culinary Challenge From Fun Trivia By : Deanna Mascle Questions: 1. One of the world’s oldest cultivated vegetables, this member of the lily family was considered sacred by ancient Egyptians, as valuable as gold in the Middle Ages, and a vital food for many historical military commanders on land and sea. Can you name this vegetable? A. Onion B. Carrot C. Leek D. Garlic 2. Which domesticated fowl was originally native to Southern Ontario, parts of the U.S. and Mexico before being domesticated by Indians and brought to E... Trivia Questions And Answers From A Trivia Break By : Deanna Mascle Questions: 1. What is the primary language of most residents of Montreal? A. English B. French C. Canadian D. Montrealese 2. During what century was swimwear revolutionized? A. The 20th century with the birth of the bikini B. The 19th century with the transition from swimming as therapy to swimming as recreation C. 18th century when lead weights were sewn into the hems of bathing suits D. 4th century when the first two-piece bathing suit was featured 3. When ... Trivia Questions From Trivia Teaser Online By : Deanna Mascle Question: Which country is the oldest on earth? Answers: San Marino Trivia Teaser: According to tradition, San Marino is known as the world's oldest republic. The tiny republic was founded by a Christian stonemason named Marino (or Saint Marinus) on September 3, in the year 301 C.E. Question: Which continent is the largest? Answers: Asia Trivia Teaser: Asia is the largest and most populous continent or region, depending on the definition. It covers 8.6 percent ... The Invention Of Water And Air Creatures; Second Half Of Part Six, The Invention Of Everything By : Tom Attea “I’ll go along with that. You were talking about developing a way for the creatures in the water to breathe. How’d you manage that?” “Gil had an insight, so we call it gills. Let me take this little fella out and demonstrate for a moment. Excuse me, he’s kind of feisty. Got ya! OK, now look here. See these little red things just behind its head.” “Yeah. Those the gills?” “Right.” “How do they work?” “The fish uses its mouth and these flaps to move water over th... President Of Iran Questions Iran’s Right To Exist By : Tom Attea With a surprising salvo of bravado, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has asked the provocative question, “Does Iran have a right to exist?” In the startling speech, he warned Western nations, especially European ones, that they will be hurt if they continue to insist that Iran should not be wiped off the map. And, during a national radio address, he hinted, “You should know that the rage of people is boiling hot enough to poach a dozen pigeon eggs and is like an ocean... Three Turban Monte; Bush And Rumsfeld Find Themselves Playing A Real Sucker's Game By : Tom Attea We all know the story of the rube who gets sucked into a game of Three-Card Monte on Fifth Avenue and watches his bets disappear in the pockets of the quick-handed sharpie at the folding card table. And what do we have in the Middle East now but a variation of the same obvious sucker’s game, which we choose to call Three Turban Monte? Can you pick the Medieval headgear under which we can hope to find a winner? Or are we bound to be snookered? On one end, we’ve got the t... Monstrous Trivia By : Deanna Mascle 1. The Abominable Snowman, Yeti, Bigfoot, and Sasquatch appear in one form or another in which epics? A. Ancient Sumaria epic B. Russian literature C. Anglo-Saxon literature D. Greek mythology E. All of the above E. All of the above TOPICS: The “wild man of the woods” is a familiar figure in folklore from Enkidu of the Gilgamesh Epic, the Russian leshiy, Grendel in the Anglo-Saxon epic Beowulf, and Silenus and the satyrs in Greek mythology. Contemporary reports are... Learning From Mistakes: Terrible Superhero Costumes By : Jordan Marston If you are getting ready for Hallowe’en or just getting dressed in the morning, here are a few terrible superhero costumes that can teach us all a valuable lesson. 1. The Falcon The Falcon, Captain America’s sidekick, currently has a costume that fits the superhero universe just fine. However, Falcon’s earlier costume was entirely spandex, that exposed both his chest and his entire arms. This revealing outfit is made even more hilarious by the The Moral: Never wear a... The Invention Of The Sky, Second Half Of Part Four, The Invention Of Everything, An Eyewitness Account By : Tom Attea “I dunno. If I did, I’d be in tech.” “Heat.” “Oh, right. We don’t want the team to be cold, at least, not all the time.” “No way. They’d be miserable.” “And we don’t want that.” “So we need light and heat.” “How do we manage that?” “We’re thinking of overheads.” “Overhead lighting?” “Yeah. Also, heating.” “All that, hanging up there? I don’t know. This sky is starting to sound kind of busy to me.” “That’s because you’re not seeing it the way w... Nobel Prizes Awarded; Alfred Nobel Excluded By : Tom Attea As the world indulges in another reverent obeisance to the Nobel Prize and its genuinely laudable recipients, we should take a moment to observe that Alfred Nobel has been excluded. What? Have you noticed that the prizes in science go with reliable regularity to very deserving academic researchers but, as W. S. Gilbert would say, ‘Never," "What never?" "Well, hardly ever!" to an independent inventor. Far be it from us to protest the wonderfully groundbreaking academic r... Bush Claims Approval Rating At All Time High; His Wife Told Him By : Tom Attea Why is President Bush unconcerned about his approval rating, which has now sunk to 33%? He’s certain it’s at an all-time high. How does he know? He asked his ever-faithful wife. For instance, here is the transcript of a discussion with the reliable spouse that was leaked to the press by their ever-attentive dog. “Laura, I’m feeling a little down today.” “Why, George?” “I guess the mood just goes with how I’m feeling about my approval rating.” “What approval ... What Is Islamic Behavior? Generally, How Islamic People Behave By : Tom Attea We’re going to attempt what, until now, seems undoable for an infidel: write about Islamic behavior in a way that doesn’t upset Muslims or anybody else. Is that a challenge or isn’t it? Not really. All it takes, we think with persistent resistance to despair, is unwavering fairness, inarguable logic, and adherence to the truth as best as we can know and endorse it. So here goes. These days, we hear a great deal about what Islamic and un-Islamic behavior is. While it’s a... World Chess Championship Literally Goes Down The Toilet By : Tom Attea Sometimes the cartoon world, at least as reflected in the colorful pictures and captions of mass media, gets so bonkers that a real-world headline would be right at home in a humor magazine. Take the ludicrous bauble that prompted this article. It appeared in no less a distinguished place than the front page of The New York Times on the Web: "Bathroom Dispute Halts Chess Championship." We could have gone with that. No doubt about it. But we prefer to see the everyday za... Very Clever Mozart: For Not Having Mohammed’s Head In The Original Production Of Idomeneo By : Tom Attea As all the world now knows, Berlin’s Deutsche Oper closed a production of Mozart’s perennially harmless opera Idomeneo, because of “incalculable risk” due to a threat from a Muslim group or individual over the director’s decision to include a scene in which the heads of Mohammed, Jesus, and Budda are presented without their accompanying bodies. The heady scene is reportedly an effort on the part of the director to mix opera with his own anti-religious sentiments. While ... Poll In Iraq Proves It’s Hard To Be Grateful When You’re Being Blown Up By : Tom Attea One would think that the number of American lives that have been sacrificed or maimed and the enormity of American treasure that has been expended in Iraq would elicit some degree of gratitude among Iraqis. But a new poll, which was done for the University of Maryland's Program on International Policy Attitudes, proves that it’s hard to be grateful when you could be blown up or otherwise assassinated at any moment. Here are a few absences of gratitude that the Bush adminis... The American Umpire. Conducting The American Empire In A Way That’s As Fair As The Calls In Yankee Stadium. By : Tom Attea We were sitting here trying, as usual, to figure out how today’s America, saddled with the burdens of inadvertent empire, could conduct itself in the world so Americans are happy about how we’re doing and the rest of the world might actually either approve or have a hard time disapproving of our behavior. We finally hit on an answer that’s so moronic we knew right away it has real potential. We behave as if we’re the American Umpire, that is, we call the balls and strikes ... Senate Approves New Legislation Aimed At Interrogating Itself By : Tom Attea The Senate, immediately after voting to approve legislation governing the interrogation and overall treatment of terrorism suspects, voted on new legislation that would compel it to interrogate itself about why nearly every member’s speechifying has been directed, not so much at the nation’s problems, but at the November voter. The body very politic had good cause to approve the controversial legislation. While a dozen Democrats crossed party lines to support the legislati... Smart People Say Stupid Things Too! By : Gabriel Adams Have you ever made a comment that was simply ridiculous, but you didn’t realize it until you saw the smiles on your friends faces? You may have been totally mortified afterwards, but the truth is everyone makes comments like that; even the smartest people in the world make dumb comments too. The best part is: the smarter they are, the harder you laugh. My friend Jessie recently graduated from MIT and headed off to Princeton to get her PhD. A month after she moved in, she c... The Invention Of Land; An Eyewitness Account, Second Half - Part Two Of The Invention Of Everything By : Tom Attea "Always metaphysical. Can we just stay with the practical stuff for now?" "Sure. Just thought I'd bring it up." "Anybody got a name suggestion?" "Well, since the whole thing is so sudden it could all kind of go bang." "Sounds reasonable. So we call it a 'bang.'" "You mean, 'The Bang.'" "Right." "That’s it? Something this big?" "OK, OK, how about 'The Big Bang'?" "Very workable. But I don’t know if it captures the romance of it all." "Only a scien... Noam Chomsky Gets A Bestseller The Incriminating Way By : Tom Attea Noam Chomsky, the innovative linguist on the left, went from the relatively placid life of a leading scholar to a major presentation by Hugo Chavez at the UN, who held up as recommended reading one of his many books, with the hefty title, “Hegemony or Survival: America’s Quest for Global Dominance.” Apparently, Chavez has as much influence as Oprah. The book, though published in 2003, shot to the bottom of the NY Times Bestseller List – ten out of a possible ten, but still... Chavez Bedevils Pres; Rangel To The Rescue By : Tom Attea At least, Washington can agree to come together to defend one of its own. The politcos did just that in response to Hugo Chavez calling President Bush “the devil” in a speech at the United Nations. Commendably, Representative Charles Rangel, a New York Democrat no less, came forward fittingly irate to say, “I want President Chavez to please understand that even though many people in the United States are critical of our president, that we resent the fact that he would come... Iranian Woman Is First Female Space Tourist; Agrees To Wear Spacesuit By : Tom Attea Just when we thought all Iranian women were contentedly hiding behind their veils, what do we read but one not only made it to America but just made it into space? The daring and successful Anousheh Ansari, who grew up in Iran dreaming, not of memorizing the Koran as a safe substitute for original thought, but of space, has become the first female space tourist. She blasted off from Kazakhstan in a Soyuz rocket with astronaut Michael Lopez-Alegria of NASA and cosmonaut ... Bin Laden Dead Or Alive? Since Nobody's Sure, We Wrote Both Articles. By : Tom Attea Bin Laden Dead Osama Bin Laden is dead. We know this for certain, because, after five years of knowing only that he had access to a tape recorder, we were bound to know at least one thing about him that is certain. We’re also as aware as we care to be that there have been previous rumors of his death. But, as we all know, when you want something to happen, at least three or four rumors seem required before one is actually true. So how do we know this one is the re... CNN Anchor Kyra Phillips Turns Bad Press Into A Win... By : Kim Klaver How do you come out a winner when the bad press you get is national and it's all over the Internet in 24 hours? A winner is someone like Kyra Phillips, CNN anchor who accidentally took a microphone into the bathroom and then went on David Letterman to redeem herself. Her reaction was on a scale with the bad press she got: national. No matter where the bad press comes from, from the local paper to the national media, you can come out a winner if you adopt a transparen... What If The Most Powerful Nation On Earth Was Iran? By : Tom Attea Is everybody happy with the way the US is behaving as the world’s most powerful nation? No? Well, when has everybody ever been happy about anything? So let’s think about what other nations might do a better job. What if Russia had won the cold war? How much do you really enjoy vodka? And do you long to drive a Zil? How about if China hadn’t decided that military conquest would be too self-destructive and opted to give economic conquest a go? Wish you could dress like Ch... The Invention Of Sex; An Eyewitness Account - Second Half Of Part One, "the Invention Of Everything" By : Tom Attea (Suggestion: Read The First Half of Part One First) “What?” “Brush burns.” “What do you mean?” “What are we making the skin out of, vinyl?” “You’re right. Hey, I have it.” “What?” “We take an idea right off the top of their heads.” “What’s that?” “Hair. We put some hair down there, sort of like a cushion.” “Long hair like they have on their heads? That might complicate things.” “I have it. What if we make a special kind of short, fuzzy hair? F... The Invention Of Sex; An Eyewitness Account - First Half Of Part One, "The Invention Of Everything" By : Tom Attea An unexpected manuscript showed up in our inbox. We were immediately convinced of its authenticity and decided we had to share it with you. It was accompanied by the following note: “Hi, there. How’s life working out? Who am I? That’s for me to know and for you to guess. Let me just say that I witnessed the invention of everything. And I kept good meeting notes. "I wanted every planet to come with an instruction manual, but my suggestion was a nonstarter. I decided the ... U. S. May Become Nonaligned Nation; Cites Worldwide Ingratitude By : Tom Attea In case you haven’t heard, there is a brash new movement afoot to make America a nonaligned nation. The principal motivation behind the movement is worldwide ingratitude for the sacrifices America has made for the benefit of other nations, while getting back precious little in return, materially or even in simple gratitude. Certainly, the group maintains, the payback in either form has hardly been commensurate with the sacrifices America has made in life and treasure. The ... Senate Wonders If New Kind Of Warfare Requires New Rules; Forgets How Colonists Picked Off Redcoats By : Tom Attea The Senate is debating whether or not guys who go by the rules of the Geneva Convention can defeat guys who torture people and shoot them in the back of the head. Even Colin Powell jumped in and said he thinks we should adhere to the Geneva Conventions in order to protect the safety of our own troops, as if the terrorists are likely to observe the rules if they get their hands on our troops. George Bush, on the other hand, thinks the Geneva Conventions ought to be as malle... What? An Iranian With A Good Thought In His Cranium? By : Tom Attea What do you know? There’s at least one Iranian who still has a good thought in his cranium? It appears that Mohmmad Khatami, the mullahland’s former Pres is just such a resilient and commendable gentleman. During his two-week trip to the USA – interestingly, the mullahs behind the rascally current President allowed his visit and, not only that, our security personnel let him in – he wisely acknowledged, “In the crime of 9/11, two crimes were committed. One was killing inno... Aye, Capt’n Bush, 'Tis Not Only The Storm But The Navigation By : Tom Attea “What a night to be at sea!” shouted brave Captain Bush into the rain-slashed, wind-whipped Middle Easter that had suddenly come upon The Good Ship USA. “Yar, yar, ya got that right, Cap’n,” returned his faithful and once jocund first mate, Rummy, now hunkered down as he, too, braved the ceaseless wrath of the oncoming tempest. Just then yet another mountain-size wave, black as the turban of a radical Muslim cleric, upturned and dumped its chilling contents on the creak... Exploring Comedy Groups By : Robert Michael Are you looking for a comedy group that offers something for almost anyone then enjoy! 1. A funny, improvisational show that is played out as a sport is called ComedySportz. Entertain business associates, your family and even church groups at a show such as this. 2. Two teams make up games, scenes and songs on the spot to gain points, as well as, laughs. There are referees to call fouls and the National Anthem is sung before each game. The audience votes for their favor... The Clever Florida Manitee Plays Dumb While Being As Smart Or Smarter Than Dolphins By : Tom Attea The Florida manatee has fooled us all for ages. We thought it was as slow to cogitate as its “sweet potato” body is to move. Never did the clever "sea cow" let on that it’s actually as brainy as, or perhaps even brainier than, a somersaulting dolphin. But now its lethargic disguise has been penetrated, thanks to the researches of a neuroscientist at the University of Florida. Roger L. Reep, who, along with a small group of other researchers, has discovered that trichechus ... Playwrights Give Critic Bad Review By : Tom Attea Members of The Dramatists Guild of America, the organization of playwrights, of which I have been an active member for many years, was in an unusually feisty mood in a review they let howl at a theater critic in the Windy City. What was the occasion of the lambasting? A long-time critic for The Chicago Sun-Times reviewed some musicals that were works in progress at Theater Building Chicago, a venue that has been attempting to nourish the struggling art form for many years.... Iranian Kook Rejects Nuke Rebuke, Despite Fluke By : Tom Attea The combative president of Iran continued to reject a resolution by Western nations that his nation stop its development of the atomic bomb for peaceful purposes, even though, through some fluke, inspectors from The International Atomic Energy Agency discovered new traces of highly enriched uranium at the bully mullah nation’s leading nuclear bomb factory. They also discovered traces of the potentially explosive material as the result of two previous flukes. But the curren... Bigamist Begs For Life Imprisonment;seeks Escape From 40 Wives By : Tom Attea As you have no doubt read, the country’s leading bigamist – distinguished title, eh? – was arrested in Las Vegas during a routine traffic stop. He had made it to the number one spot on the FBI’s list of top ten hits for marrying underage women to devout gentleman significantly older than themselves. The much marrying minister, Warren Steed Jeffs, is the proud leader of a throwback known as the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It’s 10,000 or so me... Bin Laden’s Garden Of Earthly Frights By : Tom Attea What does a resourceful malefactor do when nearly all of the world is searching for him and he has nothing more urgent to do than hide out? Why, what else? He takes up gardening. At least, plants and vegetables can’t reveal his whereabouts. They’re also unlikely to be covert members of the CIA. And so we join Osama Bin Laden, as he tends the little plot of earth he can call his own, at least, until he is sent off to an unexpectedly sudden meeting with his Allah. Into th... Hezbollah And Hamas Regret Self-destructive Behavior; Plan To Build Own Wailing Wall By : Tom Attea Leading deadly duffers of Hezbollah and Hamas have finally surveyed the damage that their misjudgment has inflicted on their own people, perhaps partly out of fear that these long-suffering victims might decide to terrorize them. As a result of the self-imposed reality therapy, leaders of both organizations have expressed their regrets. In fact, all the better to wail, they have vowed to build their own Wailing Wall. The source of materials for the project will be the p... New Work List For The Human Race; Given Our Current Work Habits, We Sure Could Use One By : Tom Attea Wouldn’t it be revelatory if a helpful hand would came out of the clouds and give the human race a new work list? Given our present doings, we sure could use one. But, since the hand does not seem to be forthcoming, we decided to take the hint and do our best to help develop one. To get the new work list started, we present the following recap of our current work list and then our suggestions for inclusion in a new work list. First, let’s review the regrettable list hum... Ok, The House Is On Fire. Which One Do You Save First -- The Baby, The Old Testament, The New Testament, Or The Koran? By : Tom Attea Do you save one of the books of holy writ or the helpless babe? Be fair. You can only save one. No time for two. The flames are at your fanny. Yes, there's some chance you can go back for a second rescue attempt, but right now the hope is too risky to influence your decision. Let’s say you pick one of the books. What will the people, who happen to see your choice through a flame-fraught window, think of you? And, as you rush out of the incinerating house and the baby go... Time For America To Bring Down The Curtain On The Ballet Frankenstein By : Tom Attea It’s time for the USA to resolve, once and for, to bring down the curtain on international conduct so clumsy it can be seen, not as dexterous, but as the ballet Frankenstein. Time to remember that ninety-nine percent of our practically usable power comes out of the barrel of a cash machine, so we concentrate on being the economic superpower we know how to be, not the military superpower we aren’t ruthless enough to be. Time to let the mad world go its self-punishing way... Depressed Rabbit Attempts Suicide By : Tom Attea A male rabbit named Furball had lost all hope. The female rabbit he had lived with for an entire year had left him for another rabbit. The owner of the garden he usually dined at had just put a fence around it. A fox had nipped one of his ears. And, at his most depressed, it seemed to him that all life is mere ephemera in the eye of time. The only thing to do was bring an end to his sorrow, hunger, pain, and inability to find meaning even in a moment. He would take his own... Old Man Potomac, He Just Keeps Rollin’ Along By : Tom Attea Some days when we contemplate the divisive and deluded doings in DC, it helps to look away from the grandiose and revered buildings that have hosted our government since it was moved there from Philadelphia in 1800 and to contemplate the broad, green, and ever forward pushing Potomac, the generally placid river that just keeps rollin' through it. Here we see a boater speeding along, hoping the wind in his ears will clear his brain of brow-knitting complexities, while anoth... Oil Update From Bp: A Bear Ate The Pipeline By : Tom Attea Earlier reports that BP closed its Alaska pipeline due to corrosion have turned out to be erroneous. The company, noticing growing rancor that it would allow such a vital link to corrode to the point of desuetude, altered its story, saying that subsequent examination revealed that the leaks were due to a grizzly bear that ate the pipeline. While BP was initially at a loss the explain why a bear would attack a metal object, one of its more imaginative research directors not... Joe Lieberman Loses Democratic Primary; Republicans Celebrate By : Tom Attea Poor Joe Lieberman – how fallen from grace is he and in such a sudden way. Just six years ago, the Democratic candidate for Vice President, today he finds himself unable to persuade his party to reelect him to a fourth term in the Senate. And, as lousy luck would have it, he lost the Democratic primary just days before the disruption of the horrific terrorist plan to detonate ten passenger-packed planes flying between London and New York. Had that interruption happened bef... Al-Qaeda In Hell, Or Allah’s Surprising Ingratitude By : Tom Attea Mohammed One raised his hands toward where he thought heaven might be, and wailed, “I can’t stand it anymore! Allah, have mercy!” But the sky, flame-streaked and smoky, remained unresponsive. So he sank to his knees and began to weep, but the ground was so hot it blistered his knees instantly and he screamed and leaped to his feet again. At least, when he was upright his sneakers could cushion the heat at what he had always understood as the opposite of the heaven of his d... Make War As Make Nice; Israel’s Commendable But Costly Military Tactic By : Tom Attea War As Make Nice Israel’s commendable but costly military tactic Has a nation every conducted a war like the one Israel is waging against Hezbollah? Instead of the usual “war is hell,” it’s more like an attempt to conduct war as make nice. Do we hear announcements from Israel anywhere remotely near “we will destroy you to the last man”? No, we hear niceties like: "… terrorist elements ... are using you as human shields by launching rockets toward the state of Isr... PBS Fires Cinderella; Calls Display Of Bare Foot Scandalous By : Tom Attea As if it wasn’t enough that PBS, the bastion of culture at the broadcast level, fired the host of the toddlertainment, ‘The Good Night Show.’ Reason given: The sweet thing, by the name of Melanie Martinez, who is beloved by moms and kids alike, appeared in her ancient history as an actress in two videos spoofing public service announcements that advocate teenage sexual abstinence. Even PBS admits there was nothing pornographic about the videos. (Why, since truth must be to... Please, Don't Make Me Take A Vacation By : Tom Attea "I never go on vacation," said a Manhattan real estate agent. "And when I do, I have my computer, my Palm, my e-mail and my cell phone with me at all times." It seems that our tech toys have become the adult equivalent of an umbilical cord. So how can we live without them? And what about now, when, as a good citizen, who also doesn't want to get arrested, you at least have to endure your plane trip without their nourishment and comfort? Let's do a checklist of tech toni... Foiled Again! The Attack Of The Citizen Killers By : Tom Attea Thanks to British intelligence, with a little help from a wise and noble Muslim informer, another attack by Al-Qaeda has been foiled. And just in the turban of time. As you know, the suspects had recently received a coded message from Pakistan, where the authorities were closing in on the criminal minds, to "attack now." If our success rate at foiling Al-Qaeda’s demonic plots continues, this mad band of citizen killers may have to rename themselves Alibi. Yet our prepar... Holy Shiite! Anti-american Demonstration In Baghdad By : Tom Attea As if the Bush administration didn’t have enough troubles in Iraq, now there’s been a demonstration in Baghdaddy by hundreds of thousands of Shiite Muslims which featured such deeply religious themes as calls of “Death to America!” Since it was staged in response to Israel’s attempt to stave off more terrorist events in its homeland, there were also the usual highly religious calls of “Death to Israel!” If we did not know the calculating anti-American cleric Moktada al-... Cuba Libre? Not Yet, Amigo! Castro Survives; Millions Mourn By : Tom Attea When word finally passed the lips of the communist regime in Cuba that Fidel Castro might be on his way to where his enemigos would like to see him go, Cubans in and out of the island nation celebrated. Then word began to trickle out of the party faithful that the damnable dictator survived colon surgery and the fiestas began to wind down like toy figures with batteries that are running out of juice. The Cubanos long-cherished dream of Libertad Para Cuba would have to wait... On Bullshit. Princeton Professor Publishes Lowdown Analysis By : Tom Attea While browsing the philosophy section in a quaint and generally inaccessible bookshop, we came across a miniature tome we might have missed in conning the long shelves of a megastore. Noting the title on the spine and considering its offbeat nature with curiosity, we reached to indulge it with a cursory examination. A closer view confirmed the title is indeed On Bullshit and informed us that the author is one Harry G. Frankfurt. We opened the book to inspect it further and... New Books About Science And Religion: Same Old Arguments, So Here’s A New One By : Tom Attea Once in a while, there’s a proliferation of new books about the junction or disjunction of science and religion. Here are seven new ones by people with distinguished scientific credentials but constrained capacities in the philosophy of religion. So we’ve added an eighth which, to us, is the book the modern world needs to heal the rift and move on from imbecilic discussion to getting something important done, like saving life before we annihilate it. Here are the first sev... Muslim Women Prepare Undercover Rebellion; Use Internet To Order Bikinis By : Tom Attea Muslim women, condemned to wear, even when sandy temps soar, clothes that curiously resemble what nuns usually wore before they lightened up their outfits, are rumored to be preparing a rebellion that is scheduled for a date that is being kept under wraps until it breaks out, to the horror of Muslim men, in scant bikinis. Order takers at online bikini retailers note an unprecedented surge in orders for the scanty attire from Muslim nations. Interviewed in a secret locat... Uncle Sam’s Shaky Transition To Empire; Having The Right Strategy Should Would Help By : Tom Attea Uncomfortable as we may be with the inadvertence, we have entered the age of The American Empire. We didn’t ask for it, but here it is, like an overgrown eagle that decided, surprisingly enough, to flap into our laps. The problem is, we don’t have a clue how to take hold of that confused bird and send it off on a long and majestic flight. Right now what we’ve usually got are most of the right intentions but all of the wrong results. Why? We have opted for a strategy tha... How President Garfield Died; Or Being Grateful For Modern Medicine, Despite The Cost By : Tom Attea Want to be grateful for modern medicine, despite the way it can wreck the health of your wallet? All you have to do is read about President Garfield’s medical care circa 1880 when he was shot by an assassin. The tale of woe came to our attention as the result of a new exhibit at the National Museum of Health and Medicine, located on the campus of the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. The exhibition is intended to mark the 125th anniversary of his assassination. To begin ... Laborious Details By : Deanna Mascle 1. Which countries celebrate Labor Day? A. United States and Canada B. United States and Germany C. United States and England D. United States and Australia A. United States and Canada TBD: It is a celebration of the working class. 2. Which country has the largest labor force in the world? A. Indonesia B. United States C. India D. China D. China TBD: China is followed by India, the United States, and Indonesia. China’s work force at 709 million in 1995 ... August Arcana By : Deanna Mascle 1. Although it is the eighth months in the Gregorian Calendar, August was originally what month in the Roman Calendar? A. Sixth B. Seventh C. Eighth D. Ninth A. Sixth TOPICS: It was originally known as Sextilis which is the Latin name for the sixth month in the Roman calendar. 2. The US honors what fish in August? A. Goldfish B. Swordfish C. Shark D. Catfish D. Catfish TOPICS: Catfish are any of about 31 families and 2,000 species of fish belonging to t... Are You Looking For Quality Comedy Entertainment? By : Robert Michael Are you looking for quality comedy entertainment? Check out ComedySportz for a great show everyone in your family or group will love. 1. ComedySportz is funny improvisation played as a sport. It is excellent entertainment for people of all ages. 2. Two teams improvise while acting out scenes, games, and songs as they compete for points and laughes from the audience. There are referees who monitor play and the National Anthem is played before every game. The winning team...

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